CM: detective case files: parent edition

My newest piece from Connected Mom. 

I remember a conversation with my husband when Gwen was just a babe, about the daily daycare sheets. Every morning the person doing drop off (my husband 99% of the time) would fill out one side listing last diaper, last food/bottle/nursing, how they slept, and asking for any other important information. I noticed that he was writing basically the same thing every day. Now because we had a specific morning routine, the nursing time and diaper time really didn't change; but the "how they slept" part... well that changed drastically. But day after day, "fine." I questioned him about it, and he shrugged it off, asking what it mattered.

What I pointed out was this: Being a caregiver is like playing detective sometimes. Especially when you are watching a baby would isn't a great communicator yet, any clue that you can find which might help explain their actions is a huge help. Knowing that she had a horrible night sleep could be the difference between them recognizing her need for an earlier nap, or missing the window and ending up with a overtired mess of a girl on their hands. The same way that we learned from her sheets at the end of the day, that she might be extra hunger if she didn't eat a lot, or we might need to start bedtime a little early if she didn't nap well.

Gwen is four now, and there are no more daily logs of every bite, bathroom break, and certainly no more naps (::sigh::). But those little clues are just as important now. On evening that she's having a particularly hard time, its easy to just get frustrated, but its more productive to look for clues. Has she been sleeping well? Ask her about her day, did something happen? Its not always so cut and dry, but having some idea what might be causing the crankiness can make it a lot easier to handle, and be a bit help in figuring out what she needs to pull it together. Does she need sleep, or maybe just more hugs? Maybe she needs to be reassured that something that happened during the day isn't the end of the world.

As she gets older, there are more and more times when we can have real conversations about what is bothering her. But there are still times when I need to pull out my detective badge to figure it out.

CM: one year post weaning... and still a lactivist!

My most recent post from Connected Mom, reflecting on what breastfeeding has brought me, one year post-weaning. 


This month marks one year since Gwen self-weaned. It blows my mind that its been so long already, but on the flip side, Gwen seems so grown to me now, and its hard to believe that she was still a nursling only 12 months ago. Breastfeeding was such an integral part of our lives for such a large part of her life, that when I stop and think about those moments, its hard to believe that something like that could just end. One day, be done.

Breastfeeding was such a joy to both Gwen and I. There were times when it was hard, times when it was frustrating and I was touched out. But there were many more times when it just made me so eternally grateful for what my body was able to do. For almost 6 months I used my body alone to feed my child! And for almost 3 more years I was able to be a source of nutrients, and just as good, comfort. When nothing else would help her sleep or ease her heartache, nursing could sooth her. It was a labor of love for sure... and I loved it. 

But just because we aren't nursing anymore doesn't mean that breastfeeding isn't still extremely important to me. Gwen and I talk about nursing (both humans and animals feeding their young), and about how she nursed. She speaks of it fondly, still. I talk about nursing in general with friends, especially the run of friends who have gotten pregnant and had babies in that time.

Many times when you love something, but then stop "practicing" for whatever reason, it can fade into the happy memory section of your brain... occasionally promoting a warm sense of nostalgia but not a part of your day to day anymore. When I realized that even a year out, breastfeeding was still an important part of my life, well it spurred some action on my part. Starting this summer, I'll be taking a college course to become a Certified Lactation Educator Counselor. I will be able to teach pre-birth breastfeeding courses, and advise Mamas on nursing. Hopefully it will be just the first step towards becoming either a IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant), or a Doula, or both!

I'm so excited to pursue this certification. It's amazing to me that something I did because it was 1) natural, 2) the best choice for my baby, 3) comforting for both of us ... has become such a passion. A year post-weaning and breastfeeding continues to change my life! I can't wait to see where this leads me!


If your babies have weaned, has breastfeeding remained a part of your life?
If not, do you have a favorite breastfeeding memory? 

CM: the gifting dilemna

My newest piece from Connected Mom. How do you keep the gift giving in check? 

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We love holidays in my household. Any excuse to get together with family for great food, celebrating, and together time is fine by us. Our favorites are Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, all for their own reason. But Easter has its own charm. Its just starting to warm, and the weekend is often spend enjoying some egg hunting outside. What is not to love?

However there is one thing we struggle with a little. Presents. Specifically how to find that balance between not having the holiday be all about what our daughter is going to get, while still treating her a little. Finding the balance of enough, but not too much.

My husband is very much a gifter. He loves finding things that his family and friends will really enjoy and treating them. There is something really special, for both him and the giftee, about opening something that reflects just how well a person knows you and values you. I love that too. I love giving!

BUT I don't want my daughter's biggest associations with these holidays to be getting "stuff," and frankly, she doesn't need anything more anyway! She has plenty of toys, and our house is not large. Plus, we have lots of family that we know she will be getting things from as well. So what do we do?

Well first we reduce: get rid of this idea of quantity being important, and focus on quality. One or two main gifts that we know she's going to adore.

Second, we advise: if we know that certain friends or family will be gifting Gwen we something we will offer gentle guidance. We don't force, and we aren't offended if they buy something else, but we've found that most people who don't have 4 year olds are grateful for a little guidance!

We think beyond toys: Gwen loves getting new clothes, which most people might think would be an unappreciated gift. So we often advise people of what her current sizes are and what gaps her closet has. She loves having fun new items to pick from (superhero anything is a BIG hit right now), and we appreciate not having to break the bank clothing our ever growing girl! We've also had people take Gwen for fun activities instead of gifts, which its been proven provide longer lasting happiness thing things do!

So far we've managed to stick a good balance. Gwen has always been happy and appreciative for what is given to her, without it being the main focus. I hope we can keep this going for all the years to come.


What is your happy medium with gift giving?

CM: midnight snuggles

My newest piece from Connected Mom. 


Gwen hasn't bedshared full time since she was still a baby. It just didn't work for us past infancy. But I love our morning snuggles when she comes to bed with us on the weekends. And sometimes I love the calls in the dark night.

Recently there was such a night. She was having trouble settling, so I squeezed in her little bed with her. She lay her face against my chest and we had warm snuggled under her soft fleece blanket. In that moment, I could see how people do it full time. In that moment there was no where else I could be but snuggled with my girl, warm and sweet. There was no where else I wanted to be, it just felt right, comforting, contented. She fell asleep quickly and deeply; and I lingered for a bit.

We've always done our best to respect her sleep needs, while making sure our needs are getting met as well. For people who NEVER thought they would bedshare, the bit that we did was a lovely surprise, and I don't begrudge its ending. But sometimes, in those moments, I wish it had lasted.

CM: the end of babywearing? another AP milestone.

My most recent  piece from Connected Mom. 
Did/do you babywear? What was it like when it ended? And what did you do with your carriers? I'm so loath to part with mine!! I did lend out two, so maybe I'll just keep and lend them as needed? 

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Napping in the wrap; 10 months.

My daughter is four years old now. It's been just about a year since she started to wean from nursing (almost 10 months since she fully weaned), six months since she switched from her crib to a toddler bed. Both were such milestones for us (though weaning especially!), and a huge line in the sand for me. My little girl was shedding the last of her ties to babyhood. It seems that another of those milestones is upon us. Our babywearing days are nearing their end.

Its such an old feeling to realize that. In so many ways it is so much easier then weaning. We never wore her daily, we just didn't have that kind of need; and we haven't been at a stage of wearing her regularly for a while now. So to say it will end gradually is an understatement! But at the same time, when she weaned I still had babywearing and bedsharing to hold on to. Now there are only our weekend snugglefests to tie us to the main things that helped me first feel and feed the physical and emotional bond with my baby. While I've talked before about how my AP-ness is about so much more then these well-known things associated with Attachment Parenting, it still makes me take pause. I have remind myself that AP is about more then the boobies, beds, and babywearing... its a mindset, a whole parenting approach, and I am still VERY much AP.

Hiking in the Mei Tai; 3 years.

There are other emotions there too. As I picked out a carrier for a pregnant friend's babyshower I imagined her wearing her newborn... that soft head brushing her chest, that sweet baby smell tight against her. I'm so happy for her. And I'm jealous.  But I'm also excited for all the new things we have in store, the things she'll be able to do as she gets bigger.

I don't think we've had our last time yet. I'm sure they'll be another long walk we pull it out for, another hike, a time she just needs some help and a little rest. I'll happily tie up the MT and have the satisfying weight of my ever growing girl on my back. But when I do, it will be with the knowledge that anyone of these times could be the last.

 In the ring sling after a fall during a walk this past weekend (her suggestion to bring it!). 

Tearful four year old... but moments later a happy girl thanks to some snuggles.  :-)

What was the end of babywearing like for you? And the big question... what did you do with your beloved carriers?! 

CM: the dance of winter - dealing with the dreaded snow day

My newest piece from Connected Mom. The timing of this is fortuitous, since we are again home with a snow day today. Our 5th in 3 weeks! Who else is a little sick of this snow? 

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Here at Connected Mom we run the gamut from Stay at Home Mamas to Work at Home Mamas to Work Outside the Home Mamas. I fall in the latter category. Each of these choices has its pros and cons. In the pro column for us is that, as an only child, we love that Gwen gets to play with a whole group of kids everyday, and that she has made some great friends. I love that I get to see other adults everyday, and talk about things completely outside the realm of parenthood. However this winter, which has been a doozy, has shown that a con is definitely the occurrence of multiple snow days in close succession.

I remember before Gwen was born. My office rarely closes for snow, but when it did, it meant a day full of hot chocolate, PJs, and lazy hours of movies and books. Now though, my daughters daycare/preschool closes far more often then my work does, and has no concern for when I have important work meetings. Suddenly snow days are full of guilt because you cut out on your coworkers, guilt that you aren't giving your child enough (if you are attempting to work from home), and possibly a cranky child who doesn't understand why we can spend all day out in the snow.

So here, in no particular order, are my top 10 tips for surviving unexpected snow days:

1. Talk to your boss beforehand. Figure out what works best for both of you in the event of a snow day. I know some parents that will probably be using half their vacation days before spring arrives. See if you can work out a half-time arrangement, so you don't have to take a full vacation day. Something has to get done? Promise you'll telework over nap. But let them know that you will be entertaining your child and that you just won't be able to give the same 100% you would if you were in the office.

2. Talk to your spouse beforehand. My husband and I check out the weather at the start of the week, and if there are big storms brewing, look at our work schedules to see if there are days one or the other of us can. not. miss. Having an idea of who is staying home when, before the morning of, is a huge stress reliever.

3. Try to get outside, if only for a little bit. Lots and lots of layers, maybe culminating in only being outside for the same amount of time it took to get all those layers on and  back off, but the fresh air and energy release is worth it!

4. If you can't get outside, make sure you get some physical play going. The cold has been intense this year, some days in the negatives when accounting for wind chill. Those days, its just not safe to go outside. But my daughter and I will have races in the hallway, or do yoga together, to burn off some extra energy. My girlfriend taught her daughter how to do jumping jacks, which her daughter loved and practiced for a good half hour on her own. Remember that your child is used to running around all day with a handful of other kids, all of whom probably have more energy individually then you do!

5. Make it special. My favorite memories of snow days when I was a kid are hanging out in my PJs, and my Mom's from scratch hot chocolate. My daughter, like me, loves the chance to spend some extra hours in her PJs... so that's what we do. She also gets a movie in the afternoon, which she loves, and gives me a few hours of work time that won't leave her feeling neglected.

6. If you have to work, reconnect throughout the day. We've had so many snow days lately that my days at home have mostly been work from home days. Its hard for my daughter to not have my undivided attention, and I feel guilty that I'm not giving 100% to either work or child. So I'll make sure to take 15 minutes or so after I finish each work project to be silly with Gwen, read her a book, ask about her game, or just give her some cuddles. And at lunch, I give her my undivided attention and lots of conversation so she feels heard and loved.

7. Keep your cool. For me at least, if I'm having a day when I'm feeling too torn, and the guilt of not giving my all to anyone who needs it can make me cranky. It helps me to remember that Gwen is off her game too. She didn't ask for this snow day either, and while she was excited about it initially, that doesn't mean she isn't going to miss her friends or her school routine. So it helps us both to do something silly to change it up and remind her (and me) exactly why she was excited to be home in the first place. I try to do something that will get her laughing, and gives me a chance to breathe and reboot. Throw on some music, break out your best/worst 80s moves and have a dance party in the living room. Just try to be frustrated when you're doing your version of the moon walk!

8. Provide them with their own work space. Gwen has gotten much better about playing independently while I work, and one of the biggest helps to that has been making sure her little desk (next to our computer desk) is stocked with paper and markers, and making sure to rotate the toys in the toy chest in that room as well. She's happy that she can be in the same room as me, I'm happy that she has options to keep her imagination running wild. A spare blanket has become a fort, and her toys all got a trip to the dentist the other day, all while I knocked out my work a foot away.

9. Keep a special activity in your back pocket. When its been a week or two in a row of multiple snow days, my daughter starts to get a little tired of her same toys with no other friends around and Mama working. That's when I pull out something different. It could be a sheet of stickers I picked up at the store, or a toy of hers that I stashed away when it wasn't getting a lot of play (its amazing how not playing with something for a few weeks can make it seem new again!), sometimes just changing the mix a little can reignite that imaginative play!

10. Remember that these days are fleeting. Soon enough spring will be here and we'll be wishing for a day at home!

Only 37 days until spring!!

CM: memories of Mama

My most recent post from Connected Mom.

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A mommy who plays in the snow!

One day, I remind Gwen, she will be a grown up. Its weird to her that she would ever live anywhere other then with us, its weird to me too! But I think she started to understand it more when she suddenly realized that I have a Mommy and Daddy too, and I don't live with them. A-ha!

I think about those days, and what she will remember of this time in our lives. A time that often feels too full of the mundane, with not nearly enough excitement. I had to have my own a-ha moment when I think about what my fondest and most common memories are of my childhood. Yes, I remember that school trip to Disney, but I don't think of it often. The memories that I think of the simple ones: My mom making me noodle soup. My dad reading to me while we waited for the bus in the morning. Playing in the woods behind our house. Lots and lots of time spent talking with my Mom.

Sometimes its so easy to get stuck on the idea that bigger is better when it comes to the special, fun things we offer to our kids. And these extra special things have their worth. We are excited for our trip to Disney for her birthday next month! But while Sesame Place was fun, and the zoo was exciting, I know that in the end its the repetition of "small" acts that will stick with her. Family dinners, where we all get a turn to talk. Back rubs and quiet singing at bedtime. Getting bundled up to play in the snow.

Those are the things I want her to remember anyway. I don't want her to childhood to be a wash of so many big things, I don't want her to think I always got what I wanted. I want her to think: everyday my parents took the time to listen to me, I know that my voice and feelings were important, and my parents loved to be with me.

CM: new year; fresh start

My newest piece from Connected Mom. Do you have a parenting resolution for the New Year?

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This week it will cease to be 2013, and begin 2014. Its a non-existent line in some non-existent sand, but one that hold so much significance to so many people. I don't know why it does, but heaven help me it really feels like a clean slate, a fresh chance.

As a mom I find myself looking for clean slates. Its so easy to hold every raised voice, every overreaction, ever missed learning opportunity against myself. Its so easy to judge myself and find me to be lacking. So here's to using this fresh start to allow myself a little more forgiveness. Fresh slate, new day, new year.... my mom sins have been purged and I'm starting anew.

When we hold on to old "failures" (whether they be a real failure, or only something that feels that way in our heads), we bring ourselves down, wear ourselves out, and set ourselves up for future "failures." When we forgive, give ourselves the space to be human, and show our children that everyone makes mistakes but if we own them and learn from them then they aren't failures.

So my parenting resolution for the New Year? Make mistakes, and let them go. Be the best mom I can be to Gwen in each particular moment. Then start anew.

What do you hope for the New Year?

CM: I thought it would be forever...

My newest Connected Mom piece.

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I thought I would fight you on sleep forever. When the nights are long, and you have to be shushed and bounced and rocked and nursed, it feels like forever. But here we are at almost 4, and bedtime is a breeze. After we read a book, I tuck you in and turn out the lights. I rub your back for just a minute, then we give kisses, I tell you how much I love you and I leave. Simple as that.

I thought I would nurse you forever. When you are touched out and tired and sore, it feels like forever. But at 39 months you led me, and did it yourself. The end was as peaceful and sweet as I had hoped, and you still remember fondly how you drank milkies.

I thought you would be in diapers forever. When you are changing your 2 poop diaper of the day, and being told NO that you don't want to sit on the potty, it feels like forever. But when the time was right, you did that practically on your own too. Happily sitting on the toilet to pee, and fine with waiting if we weren't next to a bathroom.


Despite how it feels when you are tired and worn, I know that nothing is really forever. Except for my love for you, child. That will never change.

CM: ask a Connected Mom Writer

A little call for questions, from Connected Mom. If you have any questions about what AP means, please leave a comment on the original post!

Calling all Connected Mom readers, this one is for you:

We're looking for your questions. Is there an aspect of Attachment Parenting that have a question about? Are you having a parenting issue you could use some feedback on? Or do you have a question about one of our writers specific experiences?

Leave a comment here with your questions, and we'll feature them in an upcoming Connected Mom post, with collaborative answers from our Connected Mom writers. If you wish to remain anonymous, feel free to send your questions to connectedmom.meegs@gmail.com. 

CM: we are our own worst critic

Newest piece from Connected Mom. How it gives you a little boast, like it did me. 

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So often, we as parents see only the ways that we fall short. Its is so true what they say, that we are our own worst critics. So a sweet little video, that I couldn't resist sharing, to show you that maybe what you see, and what our kids see is very different:


A New Perspective For Moms from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

Keep on keeping on, Mamas.

CM: one day I'll poop in private

My newest piece from Connected Mom... a little embarrassing!! 

Don't forget to enter for your chance to win some beautiful hand stamped bracelets HERE! One week left.

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Gwen is going through a want to be with one of us at all times phase right now. While just a few weeks ago she would happily wander throughout our downstairs, grabbing a toy from her play kitchen (in our real kitchen) before grabbing a coloring book from the living room, then flopping down on the floor in the dining room to color, now she seems to be developing some fears of being alone* and consequently wants us to go with her anytime she needs something from another room. It also means that she wants to follow us when we go to other rooms, including the bathroom.

We are pretty open in our household when it comes to nudity, and bodily functions. Gwen will take showers with me on the weekends, we change in front of each other, and we often leave the door open when we go to the bathroom. Its just not a big deal. But suddenly my normally quiet "nature calls" times, have become together times with a chatty girl standing by my knee. Its been interesting. I'm all about attachment, but this isn't exactly what I pictured.

The thing is, I don't want to force her out of the room. While I don't quite understand her newly developed fears of our safe home during the light of day, they are still very real to her, and I want to respect that. While I miss her independence, I know it will return and even more so then before. We've had some talks about how she is safe here, how Mama is always nearby and can hear if she needs help, and that she can go from room to room without us, but I know this will take time.

For now we're going day-by-day, and finding the balance of making Gwen feel secure and safe, while still enforcing some personal space during more private moments (we picked a floor tile in the bathroom a safe distance away, and she stands there!). And I know that soon enough I'll get to poop in private again.


Did any of your kids go through a scared phase? What did you find that helped?

* though thankfully not in the comfort of her own bed at night  ::knocks on wood::

CM: parenting the child you have

My most recent post on Connected Mom. What did it look like to parent YOUR baby? 


When Gwen was a baby, I remember wishing that she came with some warning lights and maybe an LCD panel that told you exactly what combo of things would work today. Warning: tired baby. Use sleep sack plus fan plus white noise and hold an extra 5 minutes. Warning: just fussing in sleep. Leave her be! It was an interesting juggling act, trying to figure out what would make my girl happy.

Babies don't come with warning lights though. Nor do they have owners manuals. But you do figure it out. Eventually I realize that if I trusted my intuition and really listened to her, I could start to "read" her cries. I could tell the difference between a cry that meant she needed something, and one that was just a sleep whimper (aka. leave her alone or you'll wake her more!).

Every mother has to learn to use her intuition. We all seek advice at some point, and commiseration often. That's why blogs such as this one exist: a place for like mined Mamas to come together and share some collective knowledge, to share their experiences so that they, and other mamas, can know they not alone. I love these places for that purpose.

This is why I will always ofter advice if someone asks for it: I'm happy to tell you more then you ever wanted to know about breastfeeding, babywearing, baby lead weaning, safe bedsharing, and gentle parenting; not to mention offer copious amounts of commiseration on sleepless nights and strong-willed toddlers. But every baby is different.Which is why I completely understand if you ask for my advice, listen to my advice, digest my advice, then ultimately throw that advice right out the window!

The biggest lesson most mothers go through, no matter what parenting style you use, is learning to parent the child you have. We all form an image in our minds, pre-baby, of what kind of mother we will be. These unique little people though, they have their own ideas. What worked perfectly for others would not have worked for Gwen, and what works perfectly for Gwen would not work for others. That is okay. It says nothing about me as a person and everything about my child as an individual.

For us that looked like full-term breastfeeding and BLW, continuing to babywear, bedsharing for a few months then transferring to a crib where she stayed until 3.5. It means always trying to use our gentle words and gentle voice, giving my child lots of whys, but using time outs if needed when everything is just too much and she can't listen anymore. To others it looks VERY different. That's okay. 

Too often mothers pit themselves against one another for the "right way" to do things. Even within communities, even within the Attachment Parent community, there are debates about what makes you AP enough, who's doing it the right way. But my ultimate advice for the most AP thing you can do when parenting? Listen to your baby, listen to your heart, and not to anyone else. Parent YOUR baby.

CM: transitioning from crib to bed

My most recent post for Connected Mom, all about Gwen's transition from crib to toddler bed! 


We had a bit of excitement in our house last Friday, when we finally decided to take the front off of Gwen's crib and turn it into a toddler bed. ::gulp:: 

She was so content in her crib that we always figured, why mess with what worked?! But she is really getting so big, and the whole previous week she has been asking about sleeping in a real bed, since she slept in a single bed at my Aunt and Uncle's, and fell asleep in a single bed every night at Cape Cod (I then transferred her to a pack'n'play before I went to sleep since it was my single bed she was falling asleep in!). I'm feeling a little "Mahhh Bayy-Beee" about the whole thing, but she is so ready. I had high hopes for a easy transition.

So, Friday night, post dinner, we headed upstairs with the Allen wrench and removed the front of her crib, then added the little guard. The guard went on the opposite side of where she has always slept, but we didn't even worry about turning her around, since she hadn't fallen out once during all the single bed sleeping the previous week. We actually said, well she won't even need that... famous last words! She fell out the first night (though she didn't even fully wake herself when she did), and I ended up moving all of her blankets/pillows/stuffed animals and turning her while she slept!

A little excited, huh?!

Thankfully, otherwise the transition has been pretty easy. Other then a bit of fussiness around 10pm, she's been sleeping just like normal. And since we turned her, she hasn't fallen out again! She loves the novelty of hopping into bed all on her own, and reading her books in her "big girl bed." She loves climbing out by herself in the morning too, but so far (::knocks on wood::) still waits for us to come into her room to "get her up."

Next project will be turning that toddler bed into a real bed (should be easy with the conversion rails which we already have). But that will need a full weekend, as it will involve buying a new mattress, some new sheets, and rearranging her room. I am pretty excited for the project though! It will be fun to change Gwen's room from her nursery into her big girl room, and new sheets of her own choosing will go a long way.

CM: 7 hours on the road {tips for making a long car ride bearable}

My newest Connected Mom piece. We love Cape Cod, but making the drive with Gwen has proven to have its own share of difficulties! Here's what I've found to make our trip easier. What do you do to make long car rides easier on everyone? 

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As you read this, we are in New Hampshire, visiting with my Aunt and Uncle in the middle of the woods. As you read this, we have completed a 7.5 hour car from PA to NH, but are still looking forward to a 2+ ride from NH to Cape Cod, then a 6+ hour ride from Cape Cod back home. That is a lot of time in a car. With a 3.5 year old. And a dog. Wooo boy!

Picture source.

But, there are some easy tips for making such travel less stressful for everyone.

1. Schedule carefully!
No one wants to start off their trip feeling rushed and harried; and kids pick up on it when Mom and Dad are feeling annoyed. Know what time you want to leave (and what is your absolute MUST leave by time), and count back to figure out exactly how much time you need to get ready and out the door. Then add some extra time for the inevitable delays.

2. Build in lots of stops.
Fingers crossed you won't been 10 bathroom breaks in a a 5 hour ride, but if you anticipate and build in one an hour, then you'll feel ahead of the game if you don't need them. Check your route out too; is it a big road with visitors centers and rest stops right on the road? Or is it a smaller road which will require a little bit of searching. Knowing what's ahead is half the battle. For those with smart phones, download the Sit or Squat app and always be able to search for a nearby restroom! Make sure you build in a food stop too if you'll be traveling over a mealtime. Its a great way to get some leg stretching in too.

3. Know your travelers.
Driving over nap time? If your kids will sleep in the car, its a great way to get some quiet on your drive. Do your kids need a special stuffed animal or blanket to be able to sleep well? Make sure you have it in the main part of the car, not packed in a suitcase in the trunk! Don't have a napper? Make sure you have some books for your voracious reader, or a pad of paper and some colored pencils for your budding artist.

4. Stock up that Mom's Bag of Tricks!
We always pack a little bag of things for Gwen to take on longer vacations. Some books, some toys, little things to keep us entertained on rainy afternoons or quiet evenings. But separately I always put aside a few things that she doesn't know I'm bringing to break out in the car. This is a great time to get creative and create some special "road trip games." Depending on the age of your child, that could be: spotting license plates, car bingo (where you create cards beforehand with things you might spot on your trip), special cue cards that might help them learn about new ecosystems or areas you are passing, or a simple counting game (how many red cars, etc). Other things you want to be sure to have (unless you want extra pit stops): some healthy, filling snacks; a refillable water bottle (freeze it half full the night before, then top it off before you leave to have nice cold water); some great music.

5. Show a little extra consideration.
Recognize that this is a unique situation, and that special considerations can go a big way to making the ride a happy one for everyone. Remind yourself all the running and playing your kids normally get to do in the time you will be spending on the road. We aren't big on TV in our house, but Gwen does enjoy an occasional Sesame Street or something similar. We do not have a DVD player in the car, and normally Gwen does not get my iPhone or Kindle. However, I will make an exception during our 7+ hour car ride. I loaded 2 episodes onto my Kindle, which she will get to partake in towards the end of our trip. If you don't do TV at all, then this isn't for you, I'm sure... but a little leniency in some way, can go far in keeping everyone happy.


What are your tricks for happy travel?

CM: the view looking up

Today is my birthday and my coworkers are treating me to lunch, while my husband is home making me some yummy stuff for dinner. I'm feeling loved and well fed.  :-)  More on that tomorrow, I'm sure. In the meantime, below I share my newest piece from Connected Mom. How do you change your perspective when you are having a rough day empathizing with your babes?

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Some days are easier then others when it comes to sympathizing and empathizing with my spirited 3 year old. She's has a snotty cold right now, and I truly feel for her and understand that she needs a little extra TLC. Other days, its not as easy. Those days I try a little change of perspective.

I stumbled on the idea for this practice unexpectedly. Gwen will sometimes join me in the shower instead of taking her own bath later, and I will get down on the floor to help her wash and rinse her hair. During one of these times she asked me if she could use one of the rinsing cups, which I thought was up on top of our shower head organizer. So sitting their on the floor I looked up for it... and up and up and up and up.

How truly humbling it is to have a moment when you realize just how big this world is to your child. Just how small they still are. I couldn't believe how high up, far away, and out of reach that cup looked to me! I think how large I must seem to her sometimes, larger and farther away still when my voice reflects anger or annoyance instead of the kindness I want it to always embody.

So, when my frustration is at its peak, I get a new perspective. Sitting or kneeling on the floor, I get down so I can look up to her. Look up at those beautiful, sparkling blue eyes. And I take a deep breath and try to bring my emotions back down to earth with the rest of my body.

This world is a big place, and we are small in it. But none more so then our most impressionable littles. Sometimes seeing things through the eyes of my child take seeing them from their level, and that change of perspective can make all the difference.

CM: milestones and reconnecting

Trav, Gwen, and I are getting back from camping today (hopefully I'll find some time to post about that tomorrow). I talked about some of the reasons for my excitement for our trip in my most recent post from Connected Mom. 

How do you reconnect when you feel like daily life is getting too distracting?

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This past weekend, Gwen had a bit of an adventure. For the first time she slept away from home without her father or me, her very first sleepover. Trav and I had a wedding to attend, and as it was very close to her grandparents' house, the easiest thing for all of us was to have Gwen sleep there. She was so excited for a sleepover with her Nonnie; Trav and I were so excited for a fun night together, and a chance for a bit of sleeping in!

It was surreal, driving away from my parents place. My preschooler was a baby just yesterday, and here she is, having her first sleep away. It was only for a night, but it was a milestone nonetheless.

Now, we are starting our week of vacation. Today is the beginning of our 3 days of camping, something I am so looking forward to. Life gets so busy and hectic sometimes. Its so easy to get caught up in the routine of the everyday, and let it all just slip by. We wake up, we get ready, we're off to school and work, we come home, make dinner, have bath time half the days, maybe have time for a brief play or some yoga, then its time to get ready for bed. A few precious hours of sleep and its time to do it all again. We get as much together time in there as possible, liberally sprinkle all waking hours with hugs and kisses and I love yous, but it isn't enough sometimes.

I'm so looking forward to the next 3-days as a way to relax and reconnect as a family. 3 days of enjoying nature, being outside (which we all love), hiking, cooking over a campfire, without the normal interruptions of school/work, chores, or technology. There will be no laundry, no dishes, no vacuuming. There will be no TV, no videos, no kindle, no computer. The iPhone will be there, but turned off in the car, in case of emergency only. We will sleep side-by-side, in our sleeping bags, under the moonlight. We will listen to the sound of the woods, and the rushing of waterfalls. We will make our fingers gooey with s'mores, then rinse them in the stream. We will hike until we are tired and sore, looking at all the beauty that the environment displays to us, then sleep deeply, satisfied. We will do it all together, without the normal distractions from each other.

Gwen is growing and changing everyday. I know these times are fleeting. This chance to reconnect is so cherished.

How do you reconnect when you feel like daily life is getting too distracting?

CM: yoga: a personal persuit becomes a bonding experience

My newest piece on Connected Mom.

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After I had Gwen, I lost myself in motherhood a bit. There is no denying that you change, on a very profound level when you become a parent. After a year, I knew I had to do some work to find balance in my new life. I needed to make sure that I was caring for myself, and addressing my own needs, not just Gwen's. I started going out with girlfriends for occasional dinners, and started volunteering with a state park clean up once a month. About 9 months ago, I added yoga to my weekly routine, and it has quickly become one of the most crucial ways that I find balance in this mommy life of mine. I only attend a formal class once a week, but it is one night a week to focus solely on me, and my emotional, physical, and mental well-being.

This, and more amazingly gorgeous family yoga pictures, can be found here.

Recently though, I decided it might be fun to share what has become a passion of mine. Not that one night a week - that is still mine, and mine alone - but yoga in general. Gwen has shown a curiosity in this pursuit that keeps me out past her bedtime regularly, so when she asked me about it a few weeks ago, I decided to ask her if she wanted me to show her what yoga was. She was very excited about the prospect and quickly soaked up each position I showed her. At first, it was just something that she brought up sporadically, but once she started showing her school teachers different positions (her favorites are tree and wheel), I thought it was time to make this something more regular. I have a family yoga DVD in hand that I can't wait to show Gwen.

At first it seemed funny to me that something which brings me so much joy as a personal pursuit would be something that is such a joy to share with Gwen as well. Honestly though, when we love something we want to share it with the world, and that's what Gwen is to me. The benefits are numerous as well. Gwen's knowledge of my practice was important to me, because I want her to be aware from a young age that my physical health is a priority; I want physical activity and healthy pursuits to be a focus of hers. There is so much pressure on girls to look a certain way, but this has a different focus - feeling healthy. Our conversations are never about how I do this to fit into my pants, or so I don't get fat, since that is not at all what it is about; our conversations are about how yoga helps me to feel healthy, strong, and gives me more energy for other types of play.


As we continue to explore this passion, I hope Gwen will find, as I have, that she is becoming more in tune with and more aware of her body. I want her to be proud of what her body is capable of, and to understand that with practice and patience, that capability can grow.

CM: love makes a family

My latest piece on Connected Mom.

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In our household we are teaching Gwen that people are people, no matter how they look. We don't judge someone because of their appearance and its similarities or differences to our own. 

We are teaching that, like people, families come in all different shapes and sizes. A mom and a dad, just a mom, just a dad, two moms, two dads, one child, lots of children. Love (and devotion) is what makes a family, a family.

In our household we are teaching Gwen that love is love, no matter what gender the persons are. Because you don't decide with whom you fall in love. And we all deserve the chance to experience true, passionate love.

These things must be discussed, they must be nurtured. A gentler, kinder world starts with us. Every child that we teach to love, accept, and share joy instead of hate, fear, anger is making the world a better place. We treat Gwen with the same kindness and respect that we want her to carry out into the world.

CM: it takes a village

 My most recent post from Connected Mom. Just a short one expressing my gratefulness for my "village."  I'd love to hear: Who's in your village?

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My husband, daughter, and I went to visit with my parents last month as a belated celebration for my dad's birthday, mother's day, and an early celebration of the husband's birthday. It was a great visit and it reminded me of the truth behind the old adage, that it takes a village to raise a child. I am so lucky that my parents are an active and vital part of that village.

My mom has been Gwen's babysitter since she was born, and it makes me feel so at ease to know that she's in such safe, loving hands. Her Papa is one of her favorite people ever.

But your village doesn't have to be blood. We are also so lucky to have amazing neighbors, who treat us like their own kids/grandkids. Gwen is so fond of Mr. Joe and Ms. Sue, and its amazingly freeing to know that they are there in a pinch.

Our best friends, too, are there as loving, gently adults in her life. Its a blessing to have so many people that truly love Gwen, and who treat her with respect and care.

Who's in your village?